Supporting Mental Health during the Holidays

[00:00:00] Speaker A: Into the Fold is part of the Texas Podcast Network, the Conversations Changing the World brought to you by the University of Texas at Austin. The opinions expressed in this podcast represent the views of the hosts and guests and not of the University of Texas at Austin. Hi, welcome to into the Fold, the mental health podcast. I'm your host, Ike Evans, and today we're delighted to bring you episode 168, supporting mental health during the Holidays. [00:00:31] Speaker B: You want to be able to rise above your situation and show people that this other you who's not bound by your illness is inside. And it's very, it kind of does your even more than other things, it can do your head in sometimes. It's a really important thing to feel like you can show up to a social event and connect with other people. [00:01:10] Speaker A: The holidays can be a time of joy, but for many, they bring unique challenges such as loneliness, financial stress or grief. Today we're focusing on ways to provide meaningful support to individuals during the holiday season. Joining us today is Jen Cardenas, executive director of Austin Clubhouse, an organization dedicated to building a community that supports adults living with mental health diagnoses. Accompanying her is Casey Pfaff, an Austin Clubhouse member. They'll be discussing the mental health challenges that are most common during the holidays, some individual coping strategies, but just as importantly, the role that community plays in supporting mental health during the holidays. And so I take you now to my conversation with Jen and Casey. Jen, Casey, thank you so much for being with us here today. [00:02:14] Speaker C: Thank you, Ike. [00:02:16] Speaker A: Okay, so my first question is, how do the two of you honestly feel about the holiday season? [00:02:29] Speaker B: Well, there are the sort of omnipresent stressors and the acute stressors and the sort of long term stressors are, I would say for me, sort of revolve around loneliness and isolation. I'm single and I don't have children. And around the holidays that can be difficult. To go to parties and not have the same things to talk about as everyone else can be very difficult and not have the same parties to go to can be very difficult. And then on the the more short term level, just going to see family, knowing it can be kind of a charged environment can be stressful too. And as I mentioned, I'm gathering my things and getting organized to go on a trip tomorrow. And there's anxiety around that because I want to have a great time, but I also know that I've got my own challenges to deal with and I don't want to put too much pressure on the situation to sort of have such a good time that it will sort of take care of all of my anxiety. I want to be prepared on my own steam so that, so that I make the best out of the situation, not that I rely on the situation to take care of me. I spend a lot of time in therapy and one of the things people do in therapy is something called cope ahead. They talk about cope ahead, anticipating difficult situations and making a list or an action plan of ways to, to make something easier on themselves. Something small they can do. They could carry a little talisman in their pocket. They could have a go to like little beverage, like go drink a sparkling water or walk the dog or listen to a song on the radio. Just small little coping mechanisms that can really make a big difference. It's like a little friend waiting to help you. If you're not sure there's an actual person there who can give you what you need, you have a little signal to give yourself what you need to kind of make it through. It's a great, we call it a skill. It's a great skill. [00:05:33] Speaker A: Okay, wonderful. Jen, do you want to kind of, kind of jump in with. [00:05:42] Speaker C: Yeah, yeah, absolutely. So I think for me I can totally resonate with you. Casey. I love the holidays. However, I do find them to be a very stressful time. There is this sense of urgency about, in regard to, you know, the year end, you know, both professionally and personally. There's some stress around making sure you can make time to meet all expectations at work and also visit family and travel. And, you know, there's a lot that comes with that. There's a lot of planning and I find it difficult to really find some time for myself. And so I think this year, you know, for example, my partner and I didn't put up a tree and that's okay. And so that's one of the ways that I'm really working on not letting those types of expectations to really bring me down. Being okay with, hey, there's not a tree, but we're going to celebrate in different ways. That's really what I think has been helpful for me is just being okay with things not going the way that you usually plan them and also setting some healthy boundaries around being okay with saying no. You know, you can't make every holiday party, you can't be at every celebration, and that's okay. [00:07:28] Speaker A: So the tree was that hard or easy to let go of? [00:07:33] Speaker C: Surprisingly, it was easy. [00:07:35] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:07:35] Speaker C: Yeah. It is a pain to put up a tree. Yeah. [00:07:40] Speaker A: Yeah. And so, yeah. And so you mentioned that what Casey said resonated with You. And just thinking in terms of your, you know, the circles, the social circles in which you run. I mean, are there any other kind of common themes, sort of that reflecting people's level of anxiety at this time of year that you. That you hear about? [00:08:11] Speaker C: Yes, yes. I think, you know, at these holiday parties that you attend at the end of the year, you know, it's only natural for the conversation to go in a direction of, well, how was your year? What happened? You know, did you travel, you know, what, what's new? And I think oftentimes people find themselves sort of comparing themselves to other people. You know, some folks have the opportunity to travel, other folks don't. And, you know, some folks are just struggling to make it through the year. And so I think when conversations like that come about, it's very easy to feel some unexpected. Not unexpected, but some. How would you say, unmet expectations. [00:09:02] Speaker A: Right. [00:09:03] Speaker C: So. And that's something that I think at some point or another everyone tends to feel. [00:09:08] Speaker B: Definitely. And also because I have that expectation of myself, I have for someone who is. I think of myself as being not totally traditional in my views of how people should act or the way things should transpire, especially on a holiday, given the way families tend to be, I am surprisingly judgmental of myself. And it's a holiday you should be happy and cheerful and giving of people and make other people happy when really lots of curmudgeonly people are very entertaining. And I, I struggle with that. Especially if you're someone who struggled with mental health issues. I'm. I'm bipolar and so I struggle with both opposites of the spectrum. And you want to be able to rise above your situation and show people that this other you who's not bound by your illness is inside. And it's very. It kind of does your. Even more than other things, it can do your head in. Sometimes it's a really important thing to feel like you can show up to a social event and connect with other people. It's really something you want to be able to do in a quote unquote, normal way. It's really confidence building. [00:11:08] Speaker A: So Austin Clubhouse is going to be doing its own holiday party. So what is the intention and how do you want what it is that will be going on at the clubhouse to be a departure for people? [00:11:26] Speaker C: Absolutely. I'm happy to take this one, if that's okay. Casey. So the clubhouse is open on all major holidays, including, you know, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, New Year's Eve, New Year's Day. And the idea is that folks will have a community and a place to go and to belong. Not everyone has the opportunity to, you know, have a family or have close friends or have, you know, several different options during those holidays. And so we want to make sure that there is a warm, welcoming environment available to our membership. And so we have come up with our own traditions. Obviously, we're very open and it's non secular. We celebrate the season, but we do it in a way that is inclusive and accessible. I think that's the one of the most important pieces and the intention behind that is so that folks who work together at the clubhouses, Casey mentioned earlier, alongside one another in the running of the clubhouse and our vitality unit and our operations unit have the chance to take a break from the work and, and enjoy a delicious lunch, play games, get to know one another and really just lay back and have a positive and healthy holiday. That's the intention. I'm sure you would probably want to add a bit to that, Casey. [00:13:19] Speaker B: You know, it's really interesting. The whole point of the clubhouse is that acceptance around your mental illness is already baked into the scenario. You go there and you already know you're in a safe place because you're among people who live with something you live with. And that is an extraordinary thing. And so right there, you don't have to feel any sort of shame or discomfort or anxiety about talking about what's going on in your life or spending your time at the clubhouse. And in fact, when we're there, we often don't talk about our mental illnesses at all. We talk about sometimes, how are you feeling, what are you up to, Are you having a hard day? But there's very little probing that goes on unless people volunteer it. We don't. We hardly ever. No one ever asked me for my diagnosis, even casually. You know, a fellow member never does that. To me, that's only something that happens on a very serious level and to a very tiny group of people just for safety's sake. That is not something that happens unless you want it to happen. And in general, people respect each other's privacy. So when you go to a Christmas party at the clubhouse, it is like perfect ease. You do a craft or you work on a project and you can just be in the zone and not have to worry about what other people think about you or even have a conversation about it, even offer an explanation of what you're doing with your life. Because the people here kind of know what you're doing and what they're wanting you to talk about. Are Things that really, it's whatever you want to talk about, but you don't have to feel uncomfortable that you're not talking about something that others might find shameful. And that is a respite from maybe feeling strange about something in your life that is actually really rewarding. [00:16:21] Speaker A: Okay, so I think that's a perfect bridge too. We've sort of touched on kind of the individual stressors that people deal with during the holidays. But now maybe we could kind of turn to building resilience and connection. And so from either of you, I would just love to hear a little bit more about the importance of community supports. I mean, as great and necessary as individual coping strategies are and how the clubhouse really models that. [00:16:59] Speaker C: Absolutely. I'm happy to start and share more on the importance of connection, the sense of belonging, knowing that the clubhouse isn't an organization where you go to be served, but rather it's your organization, it's your clubhouse. You have ownership of this and a part and a belonging in the community. And I think that's what really differentiates our organization from any other, is that members and staff are a part of this community and all of the work that's done in the clubhouse is done in an effort to give back to that community. And. Yeah, yeah. And I think there's a member who said it very well. You know, they said at other organizations it's, you know, great. Everything is great. They offer support and they offer resources. But additionally, at the clubhouse, what makes it different is I have the opportunity to serve. You know, our members aren't receiving. How did they put it? They, they said, you know, it's not a place where it's handouts, it's hand up, you know, and being able to share your skills, your talents, your purpose, and having that purpose is essential in long lasting mental health recovery. And I think when you're able to do it in a way where the work brings people together to build meaningful relationships, that is the key for the social connectedness. And it's a huge aspect of mental health. You know, we all need that. It's a basic human right. And so being a part of the clubhouse, I think, you know, obviously is voluntary, but when folks want to be a part of it and they want to and, you know, they get the chance to utilize the clubhouse in the ways that they want and build, you know, meaningful relationships with members and staff, I think it's that approach that's unique and really supports long lasting mental health recovery. [00:19:27] Speaker A: Yeah. So getting back to the holiday party, I mean, I will Assume that you are hoping that everyone that attends enjoys themselves and has a good time. However, I mean, one thing that you've already kind of alluded to is the pressure that people feel to perform happiness during the holidays. And so, I don't know, are there going to be ways that you kind of also get the message across that it's okay if people aren't doing so well? [00:20:02] Speaker C: Absolutely. I'll share an example. I got a call this week from a member and had. I hadn't seen her in maybe about a week or so. And you know, it was one of those conversations where they relate that the holidays are hard, that, you know, there's a family member that they miss very deeply. And I think, you know, it's in those one on one conversations of saying, finding something to look forward to, like the party and letting that person know that, you know, number one, they're not alone. And number two, that we'd love to see them there regardless of, you know, where they are at that moment. Because we want to meet people where they're at so this person knows that they are needed, they're wanted, they're expected at this party without the expectation of it being this, you know, jolly, high energy type of environment, you know, and. And as Casey mentioned earlier, if folks want to come in, have a cup of coffee, sit down and join us and not necessarily participate, say for example, in a gift exchange or something like that, that's perfectly fine and we welcome it. And that's sort of ingrained in our culture. We just want you there, we want you to be around. And, you know, we reiterate that members choose the way they utilize the clubhouse. And so if it's coming in, despite how one is feeling and just showing up as their full, authentic self at that time, we welcome that and we make sure people know that that's accepted. [00:21:54] Speaker B: I think it's to look at your community and also to kind of look inside yourselves. What do you want from the people around and what can you give yourself regardless of how the people around you behave? If you know what you want from your community and your family, you can make a list. And if they don't provide it, you can kind of pick and choose what things you ask for. [00:22:29] Speaker C: Mm. [00:22:30] Speaker A: Okay. So, Casey, just based on what you have told me, I think of you as a clubhouse success story. I'd love to know from either of you any other success stories or just personal accounts that attest to the impact that the clubhouse can have on people, particularly at a time like now. [00:22:56] Speaker C: Well, you know, I would like to start off by saying that there are many and success stories look different across the board. You know, there are folks who haven't come into the clubhouse in years, and they stepped into the clubhouse once this year. I find that to be a success. There are other members who have secured placements in the larger Austin community at employment placements and have, you know, returned to the workforce. And after many years of taking a break, I think that's another success. We have a lot of folks that are really open to sharing their testimonials. We have. Some of them are featured on our website. And it's inspiring because, you know, not only are there, you know, current members who are inspired and empowered by hearing these success stories, but, you know, there are potential members that haven't become a part of the clubhouse yet who might decide to join or check out the clubhouse and step out of that comfort zone because they're seeing folks, you know, feeling better, especially during this time. [00:24:28] Speaker A: Okay. So, yeah, I could. There are versions of this conversation that we could be having at different times of the year. Mother's Day, Thanksgiving, of course. And I gather that there are some basic underlying principles when it comes to finding that balance between staying connected while also being granted space to be the lonely, wretched thing that you feel like you are sometimes. And so kind of with. With those two poles in mind, what tips or suggestions would you have whether you are trying to support someone at a time like now or whether you are the one who is seeking support just to be able to, you know, to find that balance and also maybe to come out a little bit ahead when it's all over? [00:25:33] Speaker C: Sure, I can speak to, you know, supporting someone in that situation. So at the clubhouse, again, it's, you know, obviously a person centered approach. And one of the things that we do is, you know, we ask folks if they're comfortable receiving what we call reach out, especially during the holidays. And so we, if folks are comfortable with it, and if, you know, we haven't heard from them or seen them in a while, we give them a call, we send them a birthday card, we, you know, send the weekly email. But I think the important thing to remember is that person centered approach. So if we haven't seen someone and we give them a call, you know, there's one member that I'm thinking of who has said before, you know, I'm taking a little bit of a break, I'm okay, but, you know, can you let the folks at the clubhouse know that I don't want any phone calls for the next two weeks. And so of course we honor that. And I think that's where we say absolutely, thank you for drawing that boundary. And then also, you know, reminding everyone that that's their right as a member, you know, to utilize the clubhouse in the way that they want to take a break if they want, and to, and for us to respect that. And, you know, there are other folks who really enjoy the phone calls and really enjoy the, the, the letters that we write or the cards that we send. You know, they're. Like I said before, there are members who come to us after years and years of not attending because they received a birthday card. And it was that outreach that, you know, made them walk through the doors and get reconnected. So I think that's the important thing is to really create that culture of the person centered approach and asking folks, you know, letting folks know we're here, but what is it that you need and how do you prefer to stay connected and then honoring that. [00:27:56] Speaker B: I am going to a very cold climate for the holidays and people tease me because I'm cold all the time and I wear warm clothes inside. And this group of family is very hardy. They're used to the cold weather and they're going to make fun of me. So I've decided I'm going to tolerate it for a certain amount of time and then I'm going to stand up for myself, even if it seems a little bit silly. And I'm going to make a list of things like that that I want out of this trip because sometimes it's the littlest things that kind of pick away at us. And addressing little things can help us cope when we don't really feel equipped or ready to cope with the big family issues that sometimes in our experience aren't necessarily going to change. But sometimes the little things around the margins can make a big difference. So that's one thing you can do with your family and your community is to really figure out some of the smaller things that make a big difference to you. As far as myself, one of the things I realized this holiday season, especially sort of not having a family of my own, was that I could make my own Christmas just in a few simple ways. I got some special holiday food and I put up my tree, which I haven't done in a while, and I put up some Christmas decorations. I got a panettone cake, a Italian Christmas cake for to have for breakfast in the lead up to Christmas. And these were things I did for myself to really boost my holiday spirit. And they really made a big difference. So I would say concentrate on your family, community and how you can impact that and also really do things for yourself. [00:30:13] Speaker A: Okay, well, Jen, Casey, I'll let you get back to it. You've got this party that's coming up. Best of luck with it and thank you so much for just taking the time. Is there anything that our listeners who might want to learn more about the clubhouse and how they can support it can do before, before you get out of here? [00:30:43] Speaker C: Absolutely. I would invite them to Visit our website, www.austinclubhouse.org for a list of upcoming events and a list of ways to get involved. We are actually going to be turning 15 next year and so we will have, yeah, we will have a big event in August. But again, for anyone who's interested in getting involved, I'd invite them to visit our website. [00:31:20] Speaker A: Okay, wonderful. Casey, Jen, thank you so much. [00:31:25] Speaker C: Thank you, Ike, for the opportunity. [00:31:27] Speaker B: No problem. [00:31:31] Speaker A: So before we go, I think that I would like to just say a quick few words about today's conversation and in particular how it is that I think we learned something important about community from our conversation today with Jen and Casey of Austin Clubhouse. And that's in addition to all the very excellent and useful advice that they had to share about navigating the holiday season, but getting back to community and in particular the expectation that most people have that community should invoke feelings of warmth and coziness, closeness, close knittedness. But when it comes to mental health, and in particular severe mental health challenges, I think that what a lot of people eventually discover is that whatever their hopes for community might be, often as a practical matter, that their well being requires figuring out ways to make the more attenuated connections that they might have with people count for something. So in other words, for many, and I kind of extracted this from the little bit that Casey said, I'm going to try to paraphrase her words, but essentially that one thing that she finds helpful, particularly during the holidays, is if people will honor her wish that she both be left alone but also not forgotten about and still checked up on. And yeah, that often is the practical reality or most actionable goal that a person dealing with any kind of severe mental health challenges often ends up opting for. They may have more traditional or more ideal forms of community as an ultimate goal, but baby steps to get there. So if they can just make it through this next holiday party, this next family gathering, a quick phone call with a family member, in other words, making the actual ways that they are able to show up count for something, even if they ultimately would like to do much more more or ultimately would like to have much more done for them. This is the me that you've got this year. This is the me that you've got this month. I'm not at my best. The world that I am forced to navigate is far less than what I would hope for as of right now or on this night. This is the me who showed up. One who is just here maybe. And if we're talking about a four hour party like the Austin Clubhouse party will be, might be able to muster the energy to be a little bit more than just here, you know, for quarters hour at a time. Again, baby steps. Like Jen said during the conversation, that still matters. That is still a win. That still counts for something. Being able to show up at all still counts for something. Being able to get just a little bit more out of the attenuated connections that you have with people. It's all a win. It's all gravy, baby, as they say. Before we go, a couple of important announcements Last month we published the Hogg Foundation's Digital Impact Report, which you can now find by visiting our website at hogg utexas.edu. the impact report covers the last two years of highlights and milestones by the Hogg foundation, as well as impact stories featuring a number of our grantee partners. We're very proud of this report. You can learn a great deal about the Hogg Foundation's current priorities, as well as the sheer breadth and extent of the Hogg Foundation's work in communities throughout Texas. So please visit our website. You'll find a link to the Impact Report page right on the homepage of our website. Check it out. Also, another milestone the Hogg Foundation's A Guide to Understanding Mental Health Systems and Services in Texas, referred to by shorthand as the Mental Health Guide, is now available as a website. The previous five editions of the Mental Health Guide were print publications in that form. They were as comprehensive a guide to the mental health system in Texas as you could find anywhere, especially if you are involved in advocacy, public policy or mental health reform. Now, as a website, it remains one of the most comprehensive resources on the Texas mental health system. The URL is mhguide hogg utexas.edu. the website is still in its early stages. We look forward to building upon it, adding to it, improving on it over the months, and indeed years to come. It's a labor of love by the HOG Policy Team and the HOG Communications Team and a go to resource if you really wish to understand how the mental health system in Texas really works. All the different state agencies, funding and the policy environment as it relates to issues such as children's mental health, school mental health, veterans, suicide prevention, substance use and a whole plethora of others. So again, that URL is mhguide hog utexas.edu. you will also be able to find a link to the Mental Health Guide website on the Hawk foundation website as well and check it out. And that does it for this episode. We're so glad that you could join us. Production assistance by Daryl Wiggins, Kate Rooney and Anna Harris. Please subscribe, rate or review into the fold. You can find us on the podcast app of your choice. Thank you also to Jenn Cardenas and Casey Pfaff of Austin Clubhouse. And thanks as ever to the Hogg foundation for its steadfast support. Just as taking care of ourselves helps us to be there for others, so it is that. So it is as well that through solidarity with others we enhance our own resilience. Please leave us a review. Subscribe. You can find us on the podcast Apple of your choice. Transition Music by Stephen Siebert Taking us out now is Anna's Good Vibes by our good friend Anna Harris. Thanks for joining us.